Welcome to the Film Misery Live Blog for the 89th Academy Awards! Winners, predictions, generally insightful and amusing thoughts—it’s all here!
All times listed are United States Eastern Standard (UTC – 5:00). Full list of nominees here.
89th Academy Awards Live Blog
Well, this was a pretty sedate and uninteresting ceremony until the very end. And then my jaw fell off. Certainly, no one will ever forget this! Okay guys, I’d like to provide some more analysis, but I’m so tired and desperately need to sleep!
12:16: So were there two envelopes for Emma Stone? That was insane!
12:13: This must be the biggest fuck-up in the history of the Academy Awards. I have my theories as to why Moonlight won, but I’m not dumb enough to post them here. Oh, okay, I’ll go ahead: last year’s controversy.
12:11: Holy Shit! There was a mistake, and Moonlight won Best Picture.
12:09: Best Picture: La La Land. Well, it’s not a bad movie.
12:02: Jesus it’s so far past my bedtime.
11:58: The Academy does like the up-and-coming ingénue in this category, huh?
11:57: Best Actress: Emma Stone. Well there’s a big surprise! I think I’m gonna have a heart attack and die, from Not Surprised!
11:49: Best Actor: Casey Affleck. Couldn’t be happier! Congratulations to Affleck for a very powerful performance!
11:42: Best Direction: Damien Chazelle. You know, all through La La Land, I kept thinking ‘That’s a good directorial choice, yep that’s good, yep that’s good too…’ Yet all the moments don’t really add up. Oh, well. He did make Whiplash, so let’s chalk this up to that a bit.
11:38: Well, actually, maybe Moonlight was adapted from something: a first draft. Every screenplay is an adapted screenplay!
11:34: Best Adapted Screenplay: Moonlight. No. No. No. No. It’s not adapted from anything, and it’s not Arrival, so no, no, no, no.
11:31: Best Original Screenplay: Manchester by the Sea. I would have preferred Hell or High Water, but I won’t complain—this script was pretty awesome.
11:24: It suddenly occurred to me that I’ve not yet come across someone who dislikes Hacksaw Ridge who can explain why with any measure of sophistication. Anyway, this In Memoriam segment is actually pretty tolerable. Might have something to do with the fact that they don’t keep cutting away to the singer every ten seconds…
11:17: Best Original Song: ‘City of Stars’ from La La Land. Whatever.
11:15: Best Original Score: La La Land. Duh, I guess. Even though Mica Levi’s work for Jackie was the best of the year, and there’s no debate about this. I’ll tolerate no dissent.
11:13 Samuel L Jackson did not like his written intro!
11:03: Mean Tweets is the funniest bit of the night so far.
11:00: Best Cinematography: La La Land. Okay, Sandgren’s work was very good here. But not as good as Silence, duh.
10:57: Yes! Eastwood’s The Bridges of Madison County is a great film.
10:54: Well, probably not, but I sincerely hope Hacksaw Ridge has at least one more award up its sleeve.
10:47: Best Live Action Short: Sing. Don’t know it.
10:46: Wouldn’t want to be a celebrity caught not standing for The White Helmets.
10:44: Best Documentary Short Subject: The White Helmets. Don’t know it.
10:40: Here I feel compelled to mention the correlation between Best Picture and Best Editing. Don’t worry—I’m not getting my hopes up.
10:36: Best Film Editing: Hacksaw Ridge. WHAT? Okay, I’m definitely NOT upset about this, even though my vote would’ve gone to Arrival. I’m quite shocked, really.
10:31: Best Visual Effects: The Jungle Book. Eh. Serious question: at what point is a visual effects-driven movie just an animated movie? The only thing not animated was Mowgli. Whatever. The best visual effects of the year were in Arrival, though, I’ll have you know.
10:27: Okay guys, we gotta wrap this up at a reasonable hour, yes?
10:17: These people with their fucking phones. I feel like Ed Norton in Birdman: ‘Turn your phones off and have an actual experience!’
10:15: You can see what all these nominees and winners should have been right here.
10:14: Best Production Design: La La Land. *sigh* It begins.
10:12: Best Animated Feature: Zootopia. What an awful, awful choice. This film actually means the very opposite of what everyone in that auditorium thinks. It’s quite insidious, you know.
10:09: Best Animated Short: Piper. Okay.
10:01: You know, I’d love to know how the Music Branch of the Academy decides such things. #Sting.
9:59: Best Foreign Film: The Salesman. I am okay with this. It may be political, but recognition for Asghar Farhadi can’t be too frequent. (And at least the meh Toni Erdmann and A Man Called Ove were ignored!)
9:55: I agree with Charlize; The Apartment is probably Shirley MacLaine’s best performance.
9:47: Congrats to Viola Davis for giving the Academy everything they ever wanted in an Oscar acceptance speech.
9:45: Best Supporting Actress: Viola Davis. Lame applause line from Rylance aside, at least Davis has an Oscar now. Checkmark.
9:40: I’m digging these past winners clips before the announcements.
9:36: I don’t want to jinx it, but this ceremony seems to be going on at a pretty nice clip.
9:30: Best Sound Mixing: Hacksaw Ridge. YAY!!! Hacksaw Ridge isn’t empty handed! Guess the old adage of ‘Sound Awards must go to the musical’ has been retired!
9:28: Best Sound Editing: Arrival. Well, sweet: La La Land‘s not sweeping everything yet!
9:26: Andrew Garfield gives his candy to Casey Affleck. A hint of things to come?
9:17: Okay, I really couldn’t stand Moana, which was made out of bits and pieces of earlier, better Disney films. This song is pretty bland; sounds like a B-side from The Little Mermaid. Singer was very good, however.
9:14: Wow. Kimmel made a joke that was too much for Mel Gibson.
9:13: OJ: Made in America is probably the best film about race in America ever made.
9:10: Best Documentary Feature: OJ: Made in America. YAY!!!! The first right-on award of the evening! All eightish hours of it!!
9:09: Beautiful People Beaming With Pride.
9:06: Anyone else think Kimmel has been pretty, I dunno, somnolent so far?
9:01: Best Costume Design: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. I am okay with this.
8:58: Best Makeup: Suicide Squad. WTF????? One of the worst movies of 2016 is now a freaking ACADEMY AWARD WINNER? I already hate tonight’s ceremony.
8:52: Honestly, I think most people’s Oscar pools are pretty safe this year.
8:48: Best Supporting Actor: Mahershala Ali wins for accomplishing… well, no one’s really explained this to me yet. *Yawn*
8:46: Mahershala is the favourite here, eh?
8:44: A pretty unmemorable monologue from Kimmel.
8:43: Will they give Meryl an Oscar just to hear her speech? I don’t think so…
8:40: More ‘Oh, look! A celebrity! Now here’s a joke about said celebrity!’ material.
8:36: And Kimmel gives us our first Donald Trump burn of the night…
8:34: Jackie Chan did not seem amused with JT’s song!
8:32: Now’s a great time for me to plug Jonathan Demme’s JT + Tennessee Kids, one of 2016’s better documentaries.
8:30: And hey, JT’s starting things up! Audition for next year?
8:28: Is it too late for Bill Paxton to be in the In Memoriam segment?
8:25: Yay! Red Carpet nonsense is almost over!
8:17: As of right now, the highest grossing Best Picture nominee is Hidden Figures. I’m not saying that’s significant, or anything…
8:05: I wish Jimmy Kimmel all the best, but you know who I always thought would be a great host? Justin Timberlake. I don’t think people really want a ‘topical’ or ‘edgy’ host. I don’t know why we always gravitate toward comedians. JT, as he has continually demonstrated on SNL, is a great all-around entertainer. Back him up with Andy Samberg maybe and it’ll be gold, Jerry! Gold!
8:00pm: And the live blog has started. I think this red carpet is pretty silly, so I won’t have that much to say about it.